Top 5 Questions About Conflict at Work
As conflict-at-work pros, we often hear the question, “How do I start this conversation?” While we offer an in-depth training series on this, we can also offer a few points of guidance here. So here we go!
How do I start a difficult conversation at work?
If you know you have to have a difficult conversation and it’s not happening spur-of-the-moment, take time to plan a few things.
Timing & focus - Don’t open up this can of worms at a time when you’re in a rush, or know you’ll be stressed about other things. Give yourself and the other person the grace of having the conversation at the best possible time. This will also help you focus on the conversation instead of whatever else is going on.
Be clear on WHY you have to have this conversation - and be prepared to answer “why now” too.
Beyond the why, take some time to get clear on what you hope the outcome will be - and consider what the other person might hope the outcome is, and why.
How do I move on from a difficult conversation at work?
First, cut yourself some slack - the stress from a stressful conversation won’t end at the exact time the conversation ends! You’ll likely need a bit of time for recovery.
So, indulge yourself in your favorite activity that helps you destress - take a walk, dance, watch a comedy. Do something that brings a smile to your face and clears your head.
If part of why it’s hard to move on is that nothing is changing, then consider that you don’t need to “move on” from this conversation - you may be dealing with a larger issue that remains unresolved.
When should I go to HR? Will they help me?
Sometimes your friends in HR are the best advisors - and sometimes not.
Is this an issue where getting clear on the company’s policies is important? Call HR!
Is something possibly illegal - like discrimination - going on? HR needs to know - even if they don’t want to know.
HR staff represent management and the company. Yes, it’s in their best interest to make sure employees are cared for - but ultimately, if what you need is at odds with what’s best for the company (or the people in charge), HR may not be all that helpful.
If you want to better understand HR, following Danielle Verderosa on LinkedIn is a big help!
I’ve tried everything! I’m at my wits end! And I don’t want to quit- but nothing is changing! What do I do???
First, TAKE A BREATH. For the vast majority of our clients, these issues are not life-or-death. It’s simply a question of what do you want - what actions, what preferences, what goals best serve you right now?
If your company offers the option internally, then go to the ombuds or mediator on staff.
If you company does not offer the option internally, contact an external ombuds, a conflict coach, or a mediation firm like us. People working in this field can help you figure out your best next step.
It may help you to define a monetary cost to your conflict, as a way to understand the impact beyond the annoyance. How much of your time is spend dealing with - or ignoring and working around - the person or issue? Time is our most precious resource - and in the professional world, it always has a monetary amount associated with it.
How can a mediator, ombuds, or conflict coach help me?
Conflict professionals like mediators, ombuds, or conflict coaches tend to be:
Trained in all aspects of conflict - sources, reactions, negotiations, communications.
Comfortable dealing with conflict - these aren’t folks who get stressed out because two people have raised their voices or have started to argue.
Neutral - unlike your HR staff, managers, or friends and family, conflict professionals don’t really care how any specific conflict ends - we just care that you get to a place where you feel the core issue is resolved in a way you can live with.
While a conflict coach, by definition, works with you one-on-one, both mediators and ombuds usually do a little one-on-one coaching as needed. Coaching is a useful tool to help people define their goals in a conflict, and getting clear about what you need is often half the battle.